Of Catheters and Dinners

I tend to write more when Ernie’s not feeling well. Or when I’m worried, I suppose. That’s because, at heart, this is how I process what is going on in my life. I don’t share every little thing, even though it probably seems like I do, but looking at the broad strokes of what is happening (well, that and some of the little heartbreaking or very funny little details) keeps me somewhat steady and ready to pivot as necessary. Sometimes it feels like I’m living in a constant state of anxiety, waiting for the other shoe to drop, but putting it out here helps smooth down the wear and tear of that so I thank you for reading. I’m not sure why that helps me, but it truly does.

Ernie’s taken to carrying his catheter bag in a Vanity Fair canvas bag. For some reason this just cracks me up. I am way too easily amused but thank God for that.

We’re having dinner tonight at our house for all the kids, Owen, Trinity, Leo and Tal, and we’re actually planning to attempt to cook. I did buy precooked rice which kinda appalls me but I’m trying to keep things as simple as possible. I bought cookies for dessert, you know, that level of simplicity. I’m looking forward to sitting around the table with everybody though, despite the sadness of Ernie having to clear off his jigsaw puzzle (thankfully his brother bought him something he can roll it up in so it doesn’t all get taken apart).

Yesterday Ernie and I were both exhausted and spacy. Sometimes I don’t realize how stressful things have been until it hits me physically. Last night however I slept for SIX HOURS STRAIGHT. Bloody amazing. I went to sleep around 11 pm and when I woke up so I could go to the bathroom I was utterly shocked to see it was after 5 am. Wow, and I even went back to sleep for a bit. Hopefully that means I’m up for a productive day as I didn’t get as much work done over the weekend as I had hoped.

Ernie off at the doctor’s. I hope things go ok.

I’m holding my new little friend, my 1830-40ish lacy salt dish. I swear I’m not actively buying antiques but damn, I ALWAYS wanted one of these, and prices on early glass are so crazy low these days… I looked at it, tempted, and then considered the fact that it cost about the same as having Papa Del’s pizza delivered, so no pizza for a while and I have my new little friend. I can rationalize almost anything. Gotta go with your strengths, right?

It was made in the early days of pressed glass in this country. Because the quality of the glass and pressing could be iffy, they covered it in ornate designs with stippling and scrolls. This would reflect the light and hide the flaws, hence the name ‘lacy glass.’ I keep it near me and periodically I just hold it and feel it. I know we’re all supposed to be more interested in paying for experiences, not things, but damned if I don’t love old objects. For me it IS an experience.

Ok, enough rambling. I’ll pick this up when Ernie gets back. I better get back to my hill of work.

He’s back and sans catheter, which is great. Unfortunately he’s not feeling too good. He’s actually lying down. DURING THE DAY. This is unheard of. It’s against his code of conduct. We went ahead and canceled our dinner with the kids. I admit my eyes leaked for a while as I was looking forward to it but it’s the right thing to do. I’m gonna try to get them to all go out our treat. The four of them are the most important anyway.

Onward.

Love,
Cynthia